Having Dance Parties and Trying to Not Be Killed | Be Steadwell | music.gay

Dive into the heart of creativity with Be Steadwell on this thought-provoking episode of Music.gay. Join us as Be shares their journey from shy beginnings to becoming a queer storytelling powerhouse, using pop music to connect with fellow queers, introverts, and weirdos. Discover the healing power of music, the importance of representation, the sexiness of masc lesbians and nonbinary black folx, the importance of giving head, and Be's unique approach to overcoming societal challenges (hint, love songs about gay Nazi's may or may not be featured).

https://www.besteadwell.com
From multicultural backgrounds to gender apathy to the creation of deeply personal music, this episode is a testament to the transformative power of embracing one's true self. Be's story is not just about being a musician; it's about making a difference, one heartfelt song at a time. You will fall in love with  @theBeSteadwell like I did. Guaranteed. Find @besteadwell on TikTok and Insta and engage with their work, stream their music, and let’s amplify the voices that bring light to our diverse experiences. I promise you won't be disappointed (unless you hate really sexy really beautiful vocal-forward music... in which case you'll be very disappointed).

And as always... 🎵 Subscribe to  @musicdotgay on YouTube to never miss an episode filled with stories of creativity, identity, and the power of music. Like and Comment to join our conversation, and share this episode with friends who cherish the richness of queer music stories. Follow us on Instagram and TT at @musicdotgay for exclusive behind-the-scenes content and updates.  For more insights and to be part of our queer think tank, email us at musicdotgay@gmail.com. Let’s create a space where every story is heard, and every voice matters. 🌈

You can always check out my music at  @frankijupiter on all socials and https://www.frankijupiter.com.

Transcript

Be Steadwell:: I mean, yeah, we're literally just like falling in love and being cute and like having dance parties and you know, and trying to like not be killed. 

Franki: Hello and welcome to episode number two of Music.Gay, a podcast by queer musicians about queer musicians and for everyone who loves queer musicians. Enjoy this incredibly heartfelt and funny conversation with B. Steadwell. We talk about the upcoming soundtrack release from their musical, Dear Ex. We talk about how they play with themselves, but prefer playing with a band. We talk about changing the world with music one percent at a time, the desire for more non-binary black characters in pop culture, gay Nazis, and the pain of listening to your own music on repeat. And of course, we write part of a song together. So as soon as you're done listening to this episode, I'm sure you'll be revved up and ready to find B. Steadwell everywhere you stream and buy music. 

So like fanfic, lesbian, mortal enemies who definitely will never fall in love. Let's fucking do it. Welcome to episode two of Music.Gay. My guest today is B. Steadwell and B goes by they, B, he, and she pronouns in that order. B is a queer storyteller from Washington, D.C. who uses pop music to help fellow queers, introverts, and weirdos feel seen and loved. B's live show mixes onstage looping and composition with layers of their pitch perfect voice and an occasional instrument or some beatboxing to bump up the bass and the beats. 

B's music is real. It's affirming. It's sexy as fuck. It's drippy. It's sardonic, clever, black, beautiful, universal, perhaps to some, controversial. 

But wholly original. And B makes films. B also takes beautiful portraits, has written several albums, all of which you can and should find on Spotify under B. Steadwell. S-T-E-A-D-W-E-L-L. And if you love and if you lose B, they might just write a musical about your breakup. 

Dear Ex, the musical, the soundtrack comes out this spring, 2024. B has a BA in Black Studies from Oberlin College. An MFA in film from Howard University in 2014 has since had movies and film festivals around the world, including Blackstar, HBO's OutFest, the Schaumburg Center, and Inside Out Toronto. 

They've composed for the Alvin Ailey Dance Company and just last year joined the cast of Parable of the Sower, the opera by Toshi Regan and Dr. Bernice Johnson-Riggin. B's latest album, Succulent, is right up there with the rest on Spotify and goddamn, it is good, especially if you love euphemism for giving a head. So B has the sensitivity and the depth of artists like Anoni and Desiree with the wit and lyrical range of Lin-Manuel Miranda and perhaps a touch of Lily Allen or Janelle Monet, etc. 

Sexy, funny, flirty, powerful, B steady. Google besteadwell. Visit besteadwell on Instagram and on TikTok. 

Go to besteadwell .com and buy some merchandise and if you really want to support them, you don't have the funds to purchase merch right now, just go home and have a lot of gay sex in B's honor. B, I'm Frankie. It's so nice to meet you. Welcome to music.gay. 

Be Steadwell:: That was so beautifully done. Thank you so much. I'm like, wow, you really, you got it all. I appreciate that. 

Franki: Yeah, I appreciate it. Of course. I appreciate you being on here and I want to jump right in. This is music.gay, so let's start with the music. Yeah. How'd you get into it? How did you start doing music? 

Be Steadwell:: Oh, yeah. I got into it in a very tentative way. I think I just always loved music, but I was kind of a shy kid and I'm still a shy adult, I think, but I think I just loved it so much that I would like just sing, whisper, sing to myself. And eventually I started singing in, I tried out for my high school's jazz band as a vocalist and kind of didn't really know if I was any good. I just knew I really loved jazz standards and I loved to sing them. And just like affirmations from the teachers in high school and then folks in college and beyond sort of slowly got me to the point where I thought, okay, I actually, I'm supposed to be doing this. 

Franki: It took maybe my whole life. I believed what they already knew right away, basically. 

Be Steadwell:: Yeah. I mean, it's, yeah, the imposter syndrome was extremely strong for me and it probably wasn't until maybe three years ago that I really thought, I am a musician, I'm supposed to be making music. 

Franki: Oh, yeah. What was the switch that flipped there? Because I think that's something that a lot of musicians, whether or not they're just starting out or they've been at it for 20 years, like there is still the imposter syndrome looms large. 

Be Steadwell:: Yeah, it's so deep. I think we do have to remind ourselves, any marginalized group, any person who's part, who's queer, who's black, who's a woman, non-binary, trans, it is built in for us. We are supposed to say, I'm not supposed to be here, I'm not good enough. Right. That's part of white supremacy. That's how these structures are held up. 

Franki: So it's not just us needing to change. It's how they work, right? Yeah, yeah. You have to believe that in order for this to work. And so it's constantly repeated. 

Be Steadwell:: And it's built in. That means it has to be a practice where it's like, we are reminded, we remind each other, we remind ourselves that our stories are important and completely unique. I'm someone who's like, I don't love everybody's art, but I think everybody should make art because your perspective is unique. Totally. No matter what. Somebody needs to hear your story. Totally. Yeah, so. 

Franki: And hopefully it does some good for people to hear other stories. And I think there's so much affirming content within the stuff that you write within your lyrics, within the way that you approach music. And so I think that recognizing that is super, super important. And I think you do. I think you celebrate from what I can tell, from what I've heard music-wise and otherwise in interviews, you do truly believe that you're doing some good as a musician, as an artist. Is that track? 

Be Steadwell:: I think that I define doing good and changing the world as literally one person could say, you helped me with my breakup. That's changing the world. And I don't know. I think as musicians, we fall into the trap of how many people came to the show. How many followers do you have? How many monthly listeners do you have? And that's beautiful and important in terms of capitalism. 

Franki: Yeah, it's important to survive as an artist in some ways. 

Be Steadwell:: Yeah, it's absolutely very important. And if you live completely on those numbers, you're going to be disappointed. You're going to have a hard time at some point. And so literally having someone's heart reached by something that I did is that is doing good for me. 

Franki: Nice. That's awesome. Sounds cheesy, though. No, it doesn't. I mean, it sounds real, right? Because when you're putting such a vulnerable and real part of yourself out there for others to like, it's fully on display, you can't help but like, really need to have at least one person be like, hey, this moved me. And when you feel that, it can change your whole day. 

It can change your month, right? Like having a single person recognize something and be moved by something that you've created is, it's like totally life affirming. Yeah. I get that. And I think like jumping kind of, you know, you mentioned the numbers and how if you think about them all the time, you lose your mind, which is totally true. But also when it comes to building those numbers from like a, I wouldn't say purely business perspective, but like as a performing and practicing musician, like what have you found has connected you to audience more readily? 

Be Steadwell:: That's a big obstacle for me right now, especially post, you know, lockdown, the beginning of COVID. People, it's just very difficult to get people to come to shows anymore. And I honestly do not have a solution at this point. And I actually did, I did a couple shows over the summer, over the fall sort of into winter and the sales were so low that it's honestly discouraged me from having shows in the future because I want to put resources into it. I want to put time into it. I want to bring the band. I want to rehearse many times and really bring a good show. But ultimately, if I can't make the money back and make a profit, it's doesn't make sense. 

Franki: Yeah. And that sucks, but that's real, right? I mean, that's like, I think that's something that, and I think it's important for people who are listening to this to understand that like, it's, you know, I think when I was a kid growing up, I had this idea that like everyone who played me, music that I saw a concert was like, loaded. You just think, oh, they're a rock star. 

They've got all this money. They're doing all these things, even small shows, right? Like, there was something in my mind that was like, Oh, yeah, of course they're making money. But now, you know, being in it and seeing the reality of it, it's like, Oh, I've played shows at a loss. Like, and I think probably a lot of the people I know have, you know, like, and it can be, it's really important for people to understand that like, this, if, if, I don't know, if I woke up tomorrow and I was like, a genius entrepreneur, in some ways, life would be a lot easier, right? But there's something within the heart and the mind of a musician that like, you can't, you can't not do it, right? It's your way of expressing something that is uniquely you. 

Be Steadwell:: Yeah. Yeah, it's, it's not possible to walk away from it for sure. No, no, because like, I think sometimes I wish. 

Franki: Yeah, a lot of us would probably do it. What, what does, what does kind of like, inform your, your creative process and your, who you are as a musician? Like, were there influences that you kind of witnessed growing up that really made a difference for you? 

Be Steadwell:: Yeah, I mean, there, I think, in terms of content and sort of style, I was most moved by black women artists who were strange and who were outside of the box of what, you know, black women singing, and playing music, the way that was supposed to look. Because I think, you know, when I was a teenager, it was very, there's a very, and even younger, there's very specific pop star way about, about, especially for black women, you know, like, Mariah, Whitney, you know, you have like, you have singers who are belty, riffy, runny, yeah, extreme, runny is extremely high fam and, and yeah, just fit in this particular box. And I've always had like a very like, low and quiet and simple voice. 

So, so in a lot of ways I was like, well, I'm not really a singer. I can't. You can't belt. Yeah, I'm not going to. I mean, I can. I don't know if I really want to. But, you know, it's, it's, it's so seeing like Michelle and Diego cello, you know, somebody who's queer and like, very understated and, and just sometimes strange, you know, or even Nina Simone, like when I was a kid, we listened to Nina Simone and initially like she was spooky to me like her, her style like wild as the wind. 

I was like, I'm, I'm afraid to go to sleep now because I was like, this is so weird. It was so outside. Yeah. 

Yeah. Haunting. It was so outside of any kind of music I'd heard. And then eventually I was like, Oh, this, this shit is amazing. Like this is because it's so weird and different. 

Yeah. So I think any, any sort of maybe like maybe genre bending and defying black women singers and musicians were exciting to me. Shade even. Shade. Shade is one of the most subtle understated singers that you can find. And it's, and it's almost like, it's almost not allowed for black women to be that. Yeah. 

Franki: Chill. Understated. Yeah. Like, why aren't you doing a dance move? Why aren't you doing a run? Like, like do the most, you know? Yeah. But she's like, she's just very smooth and simple with it, which does the trick. So I, yeah, I think those, those kinds of artists are the best. When I was listening to succulent, I got definite Shade vibes from it. Oh yeah. I was like, yeah, I see this. 

I definitely see this. So yeah. Well done. 

That's great. What, um, what like led you to do it though? Like how did you start creating? 

Do you feel like there was a moment where you said, okay, I know you said you got into the jazz choir and all that, but was there something driving you and especially with like your original work, right? Like what's behind that for you? What's the impetus? 

Be Steadwell:: Yeah, I mean, I think, um, mostly, um, mostly I create, um, in order to heal. It's kind of like, um, it's kind of, it kind of functions as a journal. 

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or just a space to digest and like try to understand feelings. And, um, and then when I get the opportunity to share it with people and have more of like a dialogue around it, um, it's, it's so elevated and exciting and healing to hear someone say, I completely understand what you were, what you're feeling in that moment or, you know, I, yeah. So the connection with audience, um, is kind of the second step, but it's each step is, is, um, is kind of a, an exercise in healing. 

Franki: It's like kind of the, it's the transition from therapy into group therapy when you get it on a stage. 

Be Steadwell:: Yeah. Yeah. And, and, and just being able to say like as a, as an artist and as an audience member, which I'm, you know, I'm both people depending on what we're talking about, but, um, just being able to say like, I get it. I totally get that. I've been there. Oh my God. You know, like just being affirmed in the feelings that you feel is just so wonderful. 

Franki: Totally agree. Couldn't agree more. I get that. Yeah. Um, when you do start to like sit down and write or even practice for a show, like what does that look like for you? What is your creative process typically? 

Be Steadwell:: Hmm. I think, um, yeah, I think it's, it's different. Um, it's not the same every time, but I'll say the best songs that I've written, um, the most emotionally rich songs. Hmm. Um, come from a strong feeling and the feeling, um, manifests in melody, in, um, baseline and something, some piece of the song, like it's just like, here, here it is. Yeah. And then, and then I just build around that, um, and try to tell the story of the feeling around, around those pieces. 

Um, and yeah, and I think some of the best songs, um, when I sing them now, even if I wrote them 10 years ago, um, the feeling is, comes right back. It's like, it's right in there. Totally. Your cat is so cute. So cute. 

Franki: Oh, yes. Wow. That's cool. And it's interesting that it comes to you as like a little block of, of melody too. I think a lot of, at least for me, oftentimes a lot of my music is sort of lyric first in a way. Yeah. So, um, the feeling kind of like cooked into it, right? Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. When you, when you do go and, and play out, like, I know that sometimes you play with a band and sometimes you play solo with 70 other versions of yourself and what I'm assuming it's like a RC 505 or something, right? Like a looper. 

Be Steadwell:: It is. Yeah. Perfect. Cool. Cool. So what, what kind of, aside from, you know, let's say, um, all economics being the same, which it's not, but let's say it is, uh, are you going to play with a band sometimes and play solo other times? Is it sort of driven by a feeling or the venue or what? So do you mean if I had a great budget for every show? 

Franki: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Exactly. Would you always play with a band? Yes. 

Be Steadwell:: I would. Okay, cool. I would, if I had a kick ass budget for every show, I would play, um, a set alone. Yeah, cool. And I would play a set with the band and, and, and it's, it's, it's nice. It has this really nice, um, Arc. Yeah. Arc. And, and it just gets thicker and thicker. 

Franki: It's, it's nice. We like them thick. 

Be Steadwell:: We do. We sure do. 

Franki: That's really good though. And I'm glad to hear that I think for some people the playing solo thing is just out of necessity. Right. But there's such richness in your, I saw the Kennedy center, um, gig that you did and there was such richness in your solo set. Like, and it's so fun to watch an artist build with themselves, right? Like to go, here's this first part, here's this next part, here's, and see that stack up up into something that's like a little bit transcendent and you now have a full band in its own way, but it's all created by the singular person. I think there's something quite magical about that synthesis. 

Be Steadwell:: Thanks. Yeah, thanks. I, I, I think something simplicity is really underrated and I, and I, I see the way that, um, people connect with the sound of a voice, like just a human voice. And, and a simple melody. It's, it's kind of primal. I think it's, it's kind of a deep, um, feeling that, that, that connects. And, and I love, I love a really complex arrangement. I love a ton of musicians. 

It's, it definitely hits something that I cannot do alone, but, um, but the simplicity of just voices or just one person, I think is, can be really nice as well. 

Franki: I think then this might be a weird, uh, poll, but I think that like to me, it's akin to when you see someone fully ornately dressed, right? Like they're in this, I don't know, you know, crazy outfit and you're like, that's incredible. Like, look at all these accessories and all the jewels and all these pieces. 

And then you get them home and you see them naked for the first time. It's a different thing, right? Like it's a, they're both tickling parts of your brain. And when you've got a full band out there and it's like this whole lavish costume of sound coming at you, it can be amazing. But then like you said, back to that sort of primal, when all of a sudden you've got this thing naked in front of you or the bare voice and maybe a single instrument or something. It's, it hits you at a different place. 

Be Steadwell:: Yeah. Yeah. It's very vulnerable in a, in a lot of ways. Yeah. 

Franki: What, what informs your vulnerability? Like how are you able, because I know for some people the sheer terror of even being on a microphone is enough to make them go, Nope, I'm done forever. But you do something that is extreme within your subject matter, within the sparseness of the arrangements, a lot of the stuff that you're doing, even some of the recorded stuff, right? Like it's extremely sparse. There's not a ton of stuff other than maybe a couple of voices and a guitar here and there or whatnot. Yeah. 

Be Steadwell:: Yeah. I think, I think sincerity and vulnerability have always felt like my strength as an artist. I don't, yeah, I don't, I don't play instruments exceptionally well. I, you know, I don't have a crazy vocal range. This is not like me trying to. 

Franki: No, right, right, right. Trying to fish for compliments. You play to your strengths. Like I, it is what it is. But if nothing else, I'm going to be completely honest with you because, because I don't know. That's, that's like, at the very least that's, that's what I do. And I, I think about, when I think about a 

Be Steadwell:: very, like an extremely skilled vocalist, like out of this, out of this world, can be crazy runs has like this really brilliant harmonic mind. I don't want to hear you do a run if you're not like, if it's not like you're crying about something. Like I don't want an ornamental run. I want it to have meaning. I want it to be angry. I want it to be mournful. 

I want it to be like playful. Everything, I just want, I just want storytelling, you know what I mean? And I want feelings. And I, and I, when I watch movies and I listen to music, I want to cry. 

Franki: Like I want to feel stuff. Yeah, yeah. So that's, that's I think what makes me be extremely personal and vulnerable because I think it's kind of the only way maybe. Yeah. Like otherwise why, why do it, right? 

You can hide, you can tuck a lot of things into ornaments and into all these runs and all that. But like, at the end of the day, is it, is it saying something? Is it doing something? Is it making you feel something? Is it conveying something? 

Be Steadwell:: And like, yeah, it's, it's, it's what I'm bringing. It's what I'm bringing to the party. That's what you got. That's basically what I'm saying. It's the dish that I bring to the potluck. 

Franki: Yeah, yeah. If you got it, flaunt it. Definitely. So, um, you know, I'd love to talk about gay sex with you. Yeah. Specifically the song. Yeah. And I think if I got this correct, this was somewhat a response to the, unite the right rally in Charlottesville. Yeah. Yeah. 

Be Steadwell:: Well, it just Trump in general. It's sad to, to have to talk about this. But yeah, I think I just, I really wanted to write a fuck Trump song. 

Franki: Without just writing fuck Trump over and over. 

Be Steadwell:: Yeah. And I tried. I did. I for a couple of days I tried. Um, and nothing that I came up with was good. Um, and yeah. And I, I realized it's just like, like hate is not, I write love songs. I don't write hate songs. Hate is what y'all do. Hate is what those people do. 

Franki: Um, and we, there's, there's kind of this pull when you're confronted with hate to give back in kind, right? But that's never, that's never the solution. 

Be Steadwell:: I mean, yeah, we're literally just like falling in love and being, and being cute and like having dance parties and, you know, and trying to like not be killed. Right. 

Franki: So yeah. So yeah. So writing a love song in the context of Trump and, you know, neo Nazis. 

Be Steadwell:: I don't know. Like it's, I mean, it's so weird, but, um, just trying to find, um, my own place in relation to that. And that's, yeah, that's how the song happened. 

Franki: I had, I had a very, um, like visceral real visual come to mind when I first heard the song, which was like two neo Nazi men kind of sitting there and the song comes on and the one sort of like gets a little fidgety at first and like maybe like brushes a little bit of a tear away, turns to the other grabs him by the back of his bald head and just plants his tongue in him. And I was like, this is beautiful. That's what this is what we want to see. 

Be Steadwell:: Right. That is exactly what I 

Franki: just to neo Nazis admitting to themselves and just going at it. I love that. I thought it was, and generally, genuinely, it was like confusing. It was erotic. It was transformational. Like this visual. 

I was like, Oh my God. But I think it says something to, to the song itself. First off, a lot of your music is, is playful. It's funny. It's tongue in cheek. It's tongue in other places. 

Like there's, there's a lot about it that I think is really, it's approachable even if it's underneath really challenging certain things. Right. And this song, I mean, the opening, the opening line of the song is racist white dudes are not new. 

Right. That's like the first, and it's like, oh shit. Like it's confronting right away, but it also then walks you through the story of it. 

So why don't you walk me through the story of the song, gay sex and just a little bit kind of talk about, obviously, we already have some of the background of like why it came to be, but also how it came to be, what was the process of actually creating it, demoing it, getting it into an album? Yeah. 

Be Steadwell:: Yeah. I think also that I, because I grew up in DC, the, since I was a teenager, I've been protesting on the mall. I've been, you know, we protested when Bush was elected. Oh my God. 

Franki: Is that the only time you've ever protested Bush? 

Be Steadwell:: No. But yeah, I mean, it's basically very wary of politicians, politics in general, always always feeling like you have to fight to protect, that we had to fight to protect our safety and communities. And so, yeah, I think when 2016 happened, there was just such grief and sadness and it's kind of like, all right, yeah, this guy is completely, deeply the worst, and it's not new. 

The whole country is built on racism and violence. This is absolutely tragedy and it's routine. Yeah. And it's not surprising. 

It's not going to change tomorrow either. Yeah. And actually, you know, what we do is we make love. We literally fuck and make love and love each other and look out for each other. And yeah, so let's go home and fuck. Like let's actually still be alive and be powerful. And that's, I don't know, that's that in itself just being alive and experiencing pleasure is such an incredible fuck you. It's such an incredible protest to all of these systems. 

Franki: In a world of hate, love is radical. Yeah. 

Be Steadwell:: Yeah. And like, and I mean, I love playing this live because, you know, the end, I'm just talking about like, this is, they're really jealous that we get to have great sex. You know, I think I deeply believe that the repressed kind of sadness is like adding to a lot of this violence. But, but yeah, that's, that's kind of, and I think that's another song that kind of wrote itself. I, the chorus came to me and then, and then everything just kind of fell into place. But, but mostly I knew I needed to write a song to feel better and to feel okay in that time. It was just such a deeply painful time. 

And it's not like, I thought I was going to get to stop doing it. You know, I was like, great, this song is irrelevant now. It's never relevant. No, it's singing singing the song in the context of today actually makes sense in other ways. So yeah, it's, yeah. 

Franki: Yeah. It's kind of, yeah, I mean, it kind of doesn't, in some ways it doesn't matter which old white guy gets elected or old white woman or even in some ways like Obama. Right. 

Fantastic in some ways and not in others, right? It didn't change the fact that like, there's a reason the very next president was. is 50 years back, setting us 50 years back in some ways, because it wasn't actually changing anything, right? 

It was just pulling back the curtain on what has been the foundation for such a long time. I wanted to ask you about specifically the intro. There's this kind of like vaudevillian slash circusy sort of like crush drumroll and then mock horns. And it's very, it struck me immediately as being like, oh, this is a little bit of sticking the tongue out or flipping the bird or something. It's playful and it's funny, but what the sound, the actual sound of the song, where did that sort of come from, theatrical and circusy? 

Be Steadwell:: Yeah, I think it's just kind of like this. The patriotism, it's just a little bit like, I'm gonna do this very patriotic song with my clown horns and the drummers doing kind of a, what to me sounds like a war, 

Franki: a little bit of a war drum roll, military drum roll. 

Be Steadwell:: And what's interesting is that that song, the lyrics actually were written by a lesbian. That's something I learned later and I was like, oh, wow, that's so strange. But yeah, I think just poking fun at the seriousness and the pageantry of this country and how fucking ridiculous it is, it's, yeah. 

Franki: Yeah, yeah. There's something akin to All You Need Is Love, the Beatles song, right, where it opens up with, I think it's like the French national anthem or something like that because of what was going on. So it has like, and then it goes into the song that's kind of like, hey, don't worry about all this other stuff, just have love, right? And so in a weird way, I drew this parallel after hearing it, I was like, yeah, this is kind of like, this is kind of like Bees, All You Need Is Love, but it's just gay sex. 

Be Steadwell:: And it's a lot more explicit and a lot funnier. That's so interesting. I, yeah, I mean, that was, that was, we grew up listening to the Beatles as well. So that song was definitely in my life. Yeah. That's cool, but I didn't know that was the French national anthem. 

Franki: I think it is. I haven't researched that. 

Be Steadwell:: It's definitely, yeah, it's some of these anthem. It definitely sounds patriotic, so. Yeah. Wow, that's interesting. But speaking, I guess, of jumping out of gay sex into gay sex, like, what, how have you in your life kind of like discovered and defined your queerness? 

Yeah. I think I always, I never was straight in my mind. I never was like, I'm gonna come out. Like I was always, I always saw myself as queer and I'm not really sure. I think my parents were really accepting and open. 

My parents are in an interracial marriage and they're older, so when they got married, it was still illegal in some states too. Wow. Yeah. So, which is like pretty wild to think about. Crazy. Yeah, so I think they, even though they're older and they could be old fashioned in a lot of ways, they actually were totally hippies and they never questioned me. When I, you know, when I was in high school and I started dating a girl, they never said, ah, don't do that. Or like, who are you? It just was what it was. 

Franki: Don't do that. Don't do that. Ah, scary. No, they were really, maybe puzzled, but they 

Be Steadwell:: weren't, they didn't react in a negative way at any point. 

Franki: So I just was always queer. Which is huge, right? Yeah. Yeah. Like, I mean, I think especially with someone who, you know, born female, black and queer in the United States. Right? Like you've already got so much that's pressuring you to be someone or something else to have a family that's like, yeah, okay. Sure. Maybe we didn't expect this, but whatever, that's great. 

Be Steadwell:: Yeah, I mean, even now I think it was a huge gift and a rare gift. So they know, they know I'm deeply grateful for that love and acceptance. So yeah, I think I just was queer and, you know, and gender stuff, you know, more recently has become like, I don't know, I don't really, I don't care for pronouns at all. 

Franki: Yeah, I saw you use the phrase gender apathetic. 

Be Steadwell:: Yeah, I feel gender apathetic. I typically refer to myself as being relatively gender agnostic. Like, I know that some people think that it has this weight and importance and to me, I'm like, I don't really care. Like, I would say 99% of the time people call me he, him. 

That's fine. But if someone's like, hey girl, come here. I'm like, yeah, I'm here. 

What's up? To me, it's not important, but to some people it is really important, right? So it's interesting to see those differences and for you being gender apathetic, what does that sort of like, what does that mean to you? Or does it mean nothing? Yeah, I mean, I try to pay attention to what brings me joy in terms of pronouns. So like a lot of times in airports and on airplanes, for some reason, people call me he and I actually love it. I'm like, it just like makes me blush and happy. It doesn't mean that... 

Franki: Specifically on airplanes. I don't know. Which is so weird, because I'm like, y'all see all kinds of people. I don't understand why you're misgendering, quote, you know, like we're assuming people's genders all the time. I think it's because it's formal. 

Yeah. And they have to say, Mr. or Sir, or you know, they can't be casual with you. I had a hilarious moment yesterday. I was at Office Depot and I was finished checking out and the person who checked me out was like, okay, thank you, sir. And then looked kind of like looked up at me again and like clocked me and saw what I was wearing and like the earrings and everything. And just went, oh, I'm sorry. And I was like, no, you're fine. But it was like, it was cute. 

Cause that was a moment for me where I was like, oh, you had to think about it. I was like, I don't know if this is just the Bay Area or if this is just you being a sweetheart, but it was very fine. 

Be Steadwell:: I love that. I love the Bay, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, I guess I want to love and respect folks who do feel that it's extremely important and absolutely like that's the only reason why I'm not like abolish all, you know, get rid of all of them. Like cause some people really feel affirmed with certain pronouns. 

Totally. But yeah, I think it says more, like it says more about the other person who's gendering you than you sometimes. And or the people who are like ladies, you know, there's just like very weird moments where assumptions are made. And it's just, it's just strange. Yeah. More than anything. 

Franki: I agree. I don't know. I have a song. When I saw that you're, cause at the end of, I watched the TikTok where you said that, right? And your TikTok's wonderful by the way. 

I love just kind of going down and like seeing these little moments of you playing and then saying some crazy shit and then going about, it's wonderful. But you said at the end, except for the word ladies. Like that's the one word that you're like, no, fuck that. 

And I, it immediately like, I started laughing cause I've got a song on my album that's coming out whenever it comes out. But it's called ladies. And the song is called ladies. 

And the first line is the men are all becoming ladies and the women keep getting stronger every day. And that's okay. In fact, I like it that way. And it's just like, it's like my love song to California and like coming from the Midwest where the idea of me as like a 12 year old or whatever, thinking that gender was even flexible, much less like you can pick it today and you can change it tomorrow with everything. It was such a like different world to come out here and see how that's just another color. It's like makeup that people put on, right? Sometimes literally, but sometimes, you know, just metaphorically and kind of experiencing that and recognizing like, oh, this is kind of, it's kind of wonderful that people do have that capacity to be flexible with it however they want. And even though it's not important to me and it's not particularly important to you, like we don't have to care about what other people really care about. We just have to respect that other people really care about it. Yes, yes. Yeah. 

Be Steadwell:: Yeah. Some people care about other people's stuff, which is weird, but. So much. 

Franki: People care so much about who you're fucking. Yeah. People care so much about, you know, whether a word applies to you or not. It's like, I could call myself whatever I want. Yeah. Yeah. It's so weird. 

Be Steadwell:: People are weird, man. Yeah, it's a little creepy, yeah. 

Franki: Are there aspects of your, I mean, I know that within your family life, it's been pretty copacetic and pretty chill, but have there been aspects where you've struggled against society, against individuals where it's been most pronounced for you being queer, being genderless? 

Be Steadwell:: Yeah. I think I've been really lucky in most spaces. I think not because, not because these things don't happen, but I grew up in DC. I've spent most of my life in DC and Oakland. 

Yeah. And I, you know, since college, basically I've either worked for myself or I've worked in places that were very chill, I guess, very accepting. So I find that I don't actually have to, if there are people who are hateful and strange, I have, thank God, the freedom to walk around them and sort of avoid them. So yeah, I think I've been, I've done, well, I think the main sort of tension that I'm feeling now is performing for women's music events. And when I say that, I mean mostly lesbian, you know, self-identified lesbian and older, maybe 50 and up audiences. 

There is, at this point, I think there's, there's a bit of a pushback. So famously, you know, Michigan Women's Festival ended at least in part because, because they were resistant to letting trans folks be a part of the festival. Trans women, non-binary people, it just was, it was a conflict. 

I'm not gonna act like I know exactly why and who made the decision, but that was a conflict that was part of its end, right? And so the festivals, the, you know, quote women's festivals that remain and spaces that remain, now are taking the position, it seems, where they're like, oh, we're, if you identify as a woman, come on in, but like, are those spaces really safe for trans women? Are those spaces really safe for non-binary people? That is maybe up for debate, depending on the space, but it's a big part of where, you know, it's a big part of the gigs that I do, so I have to now start asking questions, like what is your mission statement, say, about trans women? And I cannot, I'm not gonna play somewhere where you're not letting trans women be part of the community. So it's, but it's sticky, you know? 

Franki: Yeah, sure. And it's in some ways probably evolving, right? Like, as the old guard dies out, I'd say it that way, but as the old guard dies out, like there's gonna be more people who have different, more progressive, more accepting views. And so my hope for you is that every women's festival you play has all women, and that's just how it works. But that's cool, it's interesting to know. 

And I think that, you know, that's gonna probably open some eyes and some minds to be like, oh, shit, I didn't really think about that, right, that being a thing, that being an issue. Are there in those, in that world, in the queer world, in the LGBTQIA world, and et cetera, et cetera, do you have specific heroes who you've looked to over the years, especially maybe musical heroes or? 

Be Steadwell:: Yeah, well, definitely my favorite person and part of my family is Toshi Regan. She's, I actually just got to go to New York and be part of a celebration of Toshi, a week long. 

Wow. Celebration at Joe's Pub, just of Toshi, like that's how much people love her. Yeah, she's been in the music scene her whole life, her mom founded Sweet Honey in the Rock, Dr. Bernice Johnson-Riggan, and that's music that I grew up listening to, literally as a child watching them play. And then she just came out and was queer and was also genre-less, genre-defying, encompassing folk and rock and soul and all, you know, everything, opera, right? 

Yeah, yeah. And she's always been connected with and kind of tapped into the generations before her and the generations after. So she's not, she's always changing, always growing. And so I've made music with her, written music, been in the shows. 

Franki: You were in Parable of the Sower? 

Be Steadwell:: Yeah, yeah, Parable. And yeah, she's just, and you know, if you've never, I mean, you got to see her live, honestly, like her live shows, every time I see her, it's completely life-changing. So yeah, and she's just, and a lot of the really cool things that I've gotten to do as a musician are because of Toshi. So she's my very, very cool fairy godmother a little bit. 

Franki: That's awesome. That's so cool. Yeah, yeah. Well, so it sounds like that's kind of like being able to work with her has been somewhat of a dream come true. And I think that is a perfect segue into, I want to like talk about what are, what are some of your biggest dreams in life? 

Be Steadwell:: Yeah, I honestly, I am doing exactly what I want to do. That is a dream. And the goal and vision is to have more resources to reach more people and to be able to do even more of this. So like, yeah, just make a record, without using my own savings, or do a show that really has all the beautiful storytelling that I would love. I really want my musical to exist in a theater again. And I want, yeah, I just want like more opportunities to share the music and the stories with folks. 

Franki: Yeah, and your musical came out kind of like right before the pandemic? 

Be Steadwell:: Yeah, it was, we did three runs in 2019. 

Franki: It reminded me of the name Dear Ex. 

Be Steadwell:: Yeah, it was called A Letter to My Ex and now it's called Dear Ex the Musical. 

Franki: Dear Ex, okay. Yeah. Yeah. And so, yeah, getting that back up and running. And I know that like the soundtrack's coming out this year, but relatively soon to when this gets launched, I'm sure like in the early spring. Nice, you excited about that? 

Be Steadwell:: I am and I'm also so sick of it. I've worked on it for four years. I have worked on it for longer than I've ever worked on anything. And I just got the masters in my email and I'm like, I don't even think I can listen to it again. I listened to it so many times. I love it. It is like a piece of my heart and it's like old pain. So there's a lot of like difficulty in this last. 

Franki: Can we just be done with this? 

Be Steadwell:: I know. I'm like this great promotion that I'm doing like this is really making people wanna go listen to it. 

Franki: Hey, we haven't been listening to it for four years. 

Be Steadwell:: So to be honest, we do wanna. Well, it's amazing that I still listen to it at all. But yeah, no, it's I think when I get like a little bit of a break and then I get to share it with people, that'll feel like a whole new experience of it. Because no, people haven't heard this music since the show. So yeah. 

Franki: Yeah, that makes a huge difference, right? Yeah, to have that when you finally start getting the feedback and it's not just like, OK, we made a small tweak to this section. You're like, OK, why don't stop? I know how you feel with that. 

Yeah, listening to the same stuff over and over can be because it's your soul, right? To and now you're looking into the nooks and tiny crannies of it. And you're going, oh, my God, I don't want to know all this. 

Like, I don't necessarily want to hear every single slightly off tune this and that, which no one else is ever going to hear. Yeah. Yeah, I get it. So many details. Yeah. So many details. What would you tell? Little B about being a musician. 

Be Steadwell:: I would tell Little B that. No one. In the world. Can make the music that you will make. But you. Nice. No, no, no judgment. No, yeah, no, you're the know you're the best. 

Franki: No, you should definitely do this. 

Be Steadwell:: Just I mean, no one can do it. No one else can do it, but you. So what are you going to do? 

Franki: You want to do it? Yeah, you do. You do. Yeah. What is something you tell little you about being queer? 

Be Steadwell:: I would tell Little Me you are absolutely worthy of love and. Oh, I obviously like the very cliche. Love, love yourself first is coming up. But also in that and that's like the biggest, that's the biggest, most beautiful thing I've gotten to do in adulthood. But also there's like there's some really good love, you know, out in the world waiting for you and maybe skip the stuff that doesn't feel really great. 

Franki: Yeah, maybe skip those. Although, I mean, it's good material. I'll write a whole musical about it. 

Be Steadwell:: So it's all yeah, it's all it's all it's all learning and. 

Franki: Yeah, that's beautiful. I love that. OK, I want to I want to jump into a lightning round here. All right. So. Wow. Short, quick questions. Where do you go when you die? The ocean. 

Sweet love it. Is is there a God? Yes. Great. Can anyone be a musician? Yes. Love it. Do you believe anyone is really 100 percent straight? No. Interesting. What's your favorite song? 

Be Steadwell:: No, I refuse. I refuse. I refuse. I'm sorry, I can't. That my my brain just exploded. Just all of them. 

Be Steadwell:: Malfunction, malfunction. No. Yeah, I can't. I'm sorry. 

Franki: Love it. Suck it. Got it. Great. What's your favorite book? 

Be Steadwell:: Oh, probably Beloved. Who's the author? Tony Morrison. Nice. 

Franki: What's your favorite color? Green. Love it. What's your favorite flavor? 

Be Steadwell:: Oh, what? Shit. What? I don't know. 

Franki: Oh, I don't know what I'm looking around for. I don't know. Something to inspire you. 

Be Steadwell:: I mean, what's my favorite favorite flavor? Yeah. Of what? Exactly. I don't know. I don't know. 

Franki: Right on. Cool. 

Be Steadwell:: OK. Sorry. Stumptom. This is not exciting. Stumptom. This is great. No, that's very exciting. What is your word of the year? Hmm. My word of the year. House. 

Franki: House? Yeah. Cool. I bought a house. Home is where the house is. Home. OK. Fuck Mary Kill. But you get to pick them. What? 

Be Steadwell:: What the fuck? What? OK. Yikes. Wow. This is this is weird. OK. Let's start with kill. Oh, shit. I mean, I if I had to kill someone. Hmm. Oh. Yikes. 

I'll say Trump. That's cool. I mean, just just to let just nip it in the bud. Yeah. There are there are others, but we'll say that. Sure. Mary. God. This has to be a famous person, right? I mean, it doesn't have to. 

Franki: It'll be more interesting to us if it. 

Be Steadwell:: Yeah, I would. You're right. You're right. 

Franki: But if you've got a partner, if you've got someone that you love. 

Be Steadwell:: I mean, I would I would fucking marry my partner, but let's let's we'll we'll we'll not do that. That's boring. Yeah. 

Franki: Well, no, I hope you do. I hope you do fucking. 

Be Steadwell:: I will. I will do that. It's what's what's weird is like I the kind of like my type is not does not really exist very much in pop culture, which is like, you know, people of color who are non binary or women who are mask. There's like two. 

I don't know. I feel like there's like two to three in pop culture. So it's hard for me to really conjure up examples like I don't see a movie and I'm like, ooh, I want to fuck that person. Yeah. You know, that's cool, though. 

Franki: That's actually boring. No, that's actually really cool. And it's good to know, right? Like, yeah, that's that like representation in pop culture is not equilateral across the board, you know? Yeah. Yeah. So we need more sexy mask, non binary or women, black folks and yeah, in pop culture. That's what I need. 

I agree. 100% 100% and when when they show up, you can we'll get back together and you can play the game. Again, I'll play. Hey, hey, hey, I got it. I'll be ready. Still want to kill Trump, but I got there. Yeah, right, right. Okay. 

Franki: I want you to write one line of a song with me. My first guest is Benoy, who's fantastic and you should definitely check out Benoy. He's wonderful. And he wrote the line, God is an echo of your thoughts. So that's line one. This doesn't have to be sequential. 

I'm going to try to stitch it all together at the end, but if you want to go sequentially, God is an echo of your thoughts. Line number two. Here we go. We're writing line two. Oh yeah, it's happening right now. You're writing. 

Be Steadwell:: Oh, it's happening. And we're writing it together. You're writing it. What? 

Franki: You're writing it right now. I'm going to take all of these and I'm going to 

Be Steadwell:: do my best to set the size of them. Okay, okay. Everybody's everybody writes the next line. Or I'm going to cut this part out of every podcast because I'm going to realize like, this is impossible. 

No, I think this is a great exercise. Okay, I made it rhyme because in my mind I'm like, Okay. So God is an echo of your thoughts. God is the ocean and the blue rain drops. 

Franki: Love it. Yes. 

Be Steadwell:: That's all. That's all. You, this is hard. These questions are hard. I don't love that. I don't love that about this. I feel like I'm sweating. 

Franki: I love it. And it's giving me William Blake vibes, right? 

Be Steadwell:: I don't know who William Blake is. It's like hold the infinity in the palm of your hands. Universe in the grain of sand. God is the ocean and the blue rain drops, right? Like it's, boom. Love that. Love that. Psychedelic poetry. 

Franki: Great. Here's another one that you're going to hate. Oh my God. If this podcast had a slogan, what would it be? 

Be Steadwell:: I feel like your hair is really like, is kind of the star of the show right now. 

Franki: I would say the same about you. I was, as you were hunched over the notebook and writing, I was like admiring all the curls in your hair. 

Be Steadwell:: I know it's, I think it's way too long, but I feel like your hair is just luscious and I guess it's a podcast so a lot of people aren't going to see it necessarily. Okay. Give me the title of the whole thing, the whole podcast. Music.Gay. Music.Gay, colon. 

Franki: Music.Gay colon, fittingly. 

Be Steadwell:: Okay. Where everyone is gay and the hair is luscious. 

Franki: Love it. Well, then that's it. Be, you, you are an inspiration and you're so much fun to listen to. Your music is fantastic and anyone listening to this podcast, please don't take my word for it. Go find at besteadwell on Tick Tock, on Instagram, buy, download and stream their music wherever you do that. Spotify is a great place, Apple Music, etc. And check out B's merch at besteadwell .com. It's B-E-S-T-E-A-D-W-E-L-L .com. B, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. 

Be Steadwell:: Thank you, Frankie. I appreciate you. Yeah. 

Franki: And to everyone else, be yourself and if you can't be you, be B. Yay. All right. That's it. Thank you for listening to this episode, watching this episode, however you consume this episode. Thank you for being here for Music.Gay. We are a baby podcast. We just started and we're trying to figure out some things as we move forward here. So this would be the part normally where I'd ask you to rate and review if you like the show, but you're welcome to do that. But what I would really love is for a handful of people, I'm going to accept maybe 20 or so people who send me an email at music.gay .gmail.com. M-U-S-I-C-D-O-T-G-A-Y at gmail.com. 

So all spelled out. And just let me know that you want to be part of like this little group of sort of a queer think tank. I'm going to try to build and see. I'll probably send some stuff I haven't released yet and see if it's too racy to release or send you some A, B photo options for different things and have you guys vote on them. Maybe might have you blast some stuff out to social media. I don't know. Basically, I would love to have just a little core group of people who really believe in this show and believe that it should reach a wider audience and who can spend like five minutes, maybe 10 minutes a month just doing a couple little things that would really, really help us out and help us grow. 

Even if you have interviewees that you could suggest, feel free to shoot those to me as well at that email address. It's music.gay .the.is spelled out at gmail.com. And that is it. Thank you so much once again for listening and I hope to see you guys next week. Stay gay. Cheers, queers.